What You Learn

When I left my husband last year, I took my 3 kids and drove from Ohio to New York. I was homeless, jobless, single, a little scared... but hopeful. We found shelter in my 80 year old parents basement in an upscale suburb of Long Island.

At the time I thought " this will be good", I'll take a year and learn. I'll learn all sorts of stuff. I'll learn about myself and my parents. I'll learn about my kids and how to rest a little. I'll get out the rat race, figure out how to finally do this right.

Almost a year later, and I've learned alright. Just a whole bunch of stuff I never wanted to learn. Stuff I'm not even sure if I should've learned. But I have it down now.
Here's some of the stuff I learned so far:

Always take a book when you get on the welfare line, the wait is endless.
The sounds and movements of Time Square can soothe suburban nerves.
Basements have a lot of spiders and even 6 year old boys get terrified.
In 50 years, you can accumulate a lot of pens that don't write.
Sometimes "old friends" turn out to be an illusion.
In the suburbs, people can't see past the end of their own driveways.
When you are married 52 years, you know your partners signature by heart.
You can grow up on Long Island and still not know which bridge actually gets you home from Manhattan.
Even 46 year old girls want their Dads to stick up for them.
The people in front and behind you on the food stamps line knows a hellava lot more about how to get food stamps than the ones who take your papers.
Even kids like a good fire in the middle of winter.
On Wednesdays, a group of intense, slightly bored but acutely interested mothers, can spend over an hour discussing what color the kindergarten Halloween cupcakes should be.
You can cry everyday for a year and not be dehydrated
No matter how old you are, your mother can still get on your nerves.
Even little kids will sort and fold their own laundry if you yell loud enough.
Music is healing.
I don't know as much about God as I thought I did.
You can buy $1 pants if you find the right thrift store.
Its hard for mothers to hear their kids pain, they take it so personally.
Dogs can get a seizure disorder. (It costs $200 to learn this.)
Sunny days are the best ones.
Poor kids learn how to wait on lines really patiently, much better than rich ones.
Courts and Government offices can make me cry for no real reason.
The black guys hanging around the front doors of the welfare office, have the cleanest, whitest shirts.
There are actual "approved activities" one must perform in order to earn your food stamps.
There are sometimes really mean ladies who decide if your activity is an "approved one". She then has the power to sanction your benefits if you don't "comply".
People on the Long Island Railroad actually do "watch the gap".
With all the cover bands here, its truly miraculous that anything original ever sprouted off this Island of Long.
Grandmothers like to have dinner on time.
Pregnant parakeets have really large poop.
Parakeets like to fly and don't care where they poop, even if its on your couch.
Kids like to let birds fly free.
Tired, single mothers get really cranky when they have to clean crusty Parakeet poop off the couch.
Baby parakeets look like little old men.
I tunes can drive you mad.
You can be grateful for Steve Jobs.


In the end, you end up never end up learning what you think your gonna learn, but in some weird way, you know that's good.